All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
~Casey Stengel
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
~Jim Carrey
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
~Mae West
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
~Bill Cosby
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
~Hedy Lamarr
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
~Bill Cosby
All men are equal before fish.
~Herbert Hoover
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
~Groucho Marx
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
~Buddy Hackett
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
~Groucho Marx
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
~Erma Bombeck
