I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
~David Lee Roth
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
~Les Dawson
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
~Norman Wisdom
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
~Emo Philips
I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
~Emo Philips
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
~Rod Schmidt
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.
~Mitch Hedberg
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
~Paul Lynde
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
~Bertrand Russell
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
~Howard Nemerov
I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
~Bette Davis
Some of them you may think are just plain silly but even so, they still hold true. They will make you laugh every time you hear them and you will always know that it’s your personal philosophy, one of the best and most true is that change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. If you can accept this, you will know that life has it’s ups and downs we all have to live through but they get better. It sounds silly, but it’s true.
Everyone knows that Albert Einstein was a genius. There were many things that he did and said throughout his lifetime that most people thought were insane, now that we have evolved scientifically, we have seen with our own eyes that his ideas were not only brilliant, but that the man himself was kind of nuts. Although there are many great life quotes out there that say it all, there are some that nobody could have said better than Albert Einstein. One of his most popular quotes that people, men in particular, live their life by is, ” you can put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour, but if you sit by a pretty girl for an hour, it feels like a minute, that’s relativity.” For those that have been in this same experience, you don’t know how true it is.
No matter what funny quotes you live your life by, be sure that it’s something memorable that will make you laugh every time you hear it.
